Giving up The day has come when I felt like giving up on my writing. When I thought, will my writing ever, ever, be good enough to be accepted by a traditional publisher? What’s the point of the hard work I'm putting in? I felt like a hollow tree. Burnt out. Nothing left. I think that I may have a case of the S.A.D’s. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). The weather is affecting my mood. It’s grey and gloomy and freezing cold. (To top it off, my body is complaining and my legs don’t want to work properly. I feel like I'm trying to move blocks of concrete with each step. I’m sore and achy. Jolly Fibromyalgia!) The Little Voice Ummm. When did this mopey feeling start? Last week it just started creeping up on me. A little voice whispering softly in my ear, “You have worked and worked and you have nothing to show. Not even a nibble.” To that voice I said, “Well the publisher that assessed two of my stories at the Meet the Publishers Conference likes my writing. She says it’s lovely. My stories were not suitable for their imprint. (She didn’t say that to me. I just assumed so.) And she asked for two of my other manuscripts to look at. And all the kids at the school liked all my stories. They are the ones that count.” Then the little voice says, “So what! They are not the ones publishing it. So they don’t matter.” To The Voice I agreed…briefly. Until I reminded myself of the reason why I write. It is for the kids. Check out why I write here. Last week I celebrated my 42nd birthday. My daughter gave me three picture books (pictured above). One funny, one scary, and one where the stories and illustrations made me all teary, they were so beautiful. The Doubt Then the doubt started to set in. The little voice was back. “See. Look at these stories. You’ll never write like that.” I agreed. It’s not my style, though I would love to evoke some emotion with my stories. So I didn’t bother working on my novel, nor my blog. I felt like I just wanted to fade out of existence. In six months time, no one would remember me. Out loud, I used my birthday week as an excuse to take the week off. Ahhh! I felt like I was getting sucked into the “Vortex of Doom.” I had decided this year to enter some of my stories into big competitions that offered feedback , even if you didn’t place. I did this so that I can improve my storytelling and make my stories as good as they can be. On Monday morning I got my results back for one of my stories from one of the competitions that I had entered. 68/100! I saw mostly 3’s. Average. The Voice was back. “See! You’ll never stand up out of the slush pile. You’ll never be good enough.” Fighting Back But, as I write this, I have decided to fight back. I need to focus on every tiny scrap of positive feedback and cultivate an attitude of gratitude. I went back to the feedback sheet and counted up my scores. The scoring was as follows: 1. Needs work; 2; 3. Average; 4; 5. Above average. I got: nine 3’s, nine 4’s and one 5. Looking at it like that, I felt a lot better. And, they told me what I needed to work on. I realised I should not focus so much on the negative. Don’t get me wrong. Even the negative feedback can be helpful. It can help show where I need to improve. So this is what I am now reminding myself of. My writing is getting better and better all the time. I have written a number of stories. Some good. Some not so good. But each one helps me get to the next stage in my writing. No writing is wasted, not even writing this blog post. Here is some feedback that I received from competitions and publishers that I need to keep in mind:
Giving myself space and focusing on the good stuff I’ve given myself some space just to be. I read some great books and enjoyed my birthday week. I hung out with family and friends. I am choosing to focus on the good stuff. And getting stuck back into what I love doing - writing fun, quirky kids tales, and blogging. I also re-started my exercise program which I cut out about three weeks ago. I used all sorts of excuses. It's too cold. My muscles and tendons will probably tear again. (Don't laugh. It happens semi-regularly, especially in the cold.) Isn't it curious how I started feeling lousy shortly after I stopped exercising? Tips for moving forward:
An interesting fact An interesting fact that happens with some burnt out trees – some continue to grow and shoot out new leaves. And that’s what I’m going to do. Shoot out something new. A new story. A new idea. A new blog post. Hmmm. I may even contemplate moving to a warmer, sunnier climate. In the meantime, I will look forward to sunnier, warmer weather that will be coming in the next few weeks. Yay! Bring it on! Have a good day. Kirsten over at She’s Novel, has written a great blog post, 'Writing when depressed.' She describes her battle with depression, and what she does to move through to the other side of her lows. News update: I found out that, in the competition that I mentioned, I was among the highest scoring. It just goes to show, it is all about perception. Often, the hardest time is just before a break through. This has reminded me of an analogy that I once heard. Life goals can be bit like pumping the old water pumps. You would pump and pump and pump. And just as you think that it getting too hard, and you couldn't possibly pump any more - the water would come gushing out. Never give up!
16 Comments
7/7/2016 04:56:00 pm
I can so relate to this post. Often these thoughts come in when the rest of my life is overwhelming and out of control (I was like this in the weeks before the Meet the Publishers conference when my son got sick). Space to breathe is a must :) As are all your suggestions.
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7/7/2016 06:45:44 pm
Thank you for dropping by my blog Melissa. It is so true when you said that it when the rest of your life seems so overwhelming and out of control, it is those times that these thoughts can come to the fore. It is so important to take of care of ourselves. And thanks for your well wishes too. Stay tuned.
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7/7/2016 05:26:31 pm
Never, ever give up Megan. You are so kind and supportive. The book you sent me has been so helpful. I didn't start taking myself seriously as a writer until I was 64 years old! In 2017 my first ever picture book will be launched. It's thanks to people like you and the general warmth of children's writers, that I've achieved my dream in my 70th. year.
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7/7/2016 06:42:21 pm
Thanks you so much Pat. You are so kind. Wow! Congratulations on your upcoming picture book, and at 70. That is amazing. Well done! That is such exciting news.
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8/7/2016 07:00:43 pm
Hi Megan.
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Megan Higginson
8/7/2016 07:29:39 pm
Thanks for visiting my blog Karen. Indie - publishing is certainly something to think about. You have certainly made it work.
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Sofia
8/7/2016 09:02:08 pm
Hi Megan,
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Megan Higginson
8/7/2016 09:12:01 pm
Hi Sofia. Thank you for visiting my blog. Kids love my stories, so that is the main thing. I love writing picture books, and I've just started on my first novel. It will be interesting to see what the future brings.
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8/7/2016 09:08:20 pm
I know exactly how you've been feeling almost word for word. I'll even admit that this is one of the reasons, OK the REAL reason my own blog post is late this week. On the plus side, I can now use this as a link in mine especially if I find it difficult to articulate many of these very points. With your permission of course
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Megan Higginson
8/7/2016 09:14:39 pm
By all means, you are more than welcome to put a link to my blog on your website. Thank you, Artelle.
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9/7/2016 10:24:03 am
I often feel like giving up on my writing too. I have 13 books so far and it is hard to get anyone to buy books or stock books. I ring a lot of book shops and do promo via social media. Sometimes it seems my efforts are not paying off and it can get very frustrating. I would love to be picked up by a traditional publisher and be given a go. However, then I think about what I have achieved so far. It was my childhood dream to be an author. I have been lucky enough to be published at all. I write from the heart and have positive messages in my books. The reason I write is to encourage children to read through writing fun, interesting, often quirky books, books that I would have loved to read as a child. I think it is part of a writer's journey to feel up and then down. One of my publishers actually told me this is how I would feel about it. Even when I feel down about writing, a couple of days later something good usually happens and I am spurred on to continue. Writing is a big part of who I am. Would I still write without being published? Absolutely. I find it healing and rewarding, even if at times it is frustrating.
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Megan Higginson
9/7/2016 11:18:17 am
Hi Michelle. ? Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your words echo my own - though without the having books published bit. That is something that I'm working on. I write fun, quirky stories too. They are such fun to write. I also love encouraging children to read. It a hard road with many rewards. For my recent school author visit, I used just manuscripts. The kids still loved it. One day they will be books. ?
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9/7/2016 11:15:39 pm
Hello Megan. I saw your linking tweet. I have been feeling exactly the same lately. I had some minor successes a few years ago in comps but for last two years there's been nothing. The worst thing I fear is that friends and family might think I'm deluding myself. But the truth is I can't not write. I have the bug for better or worse. Like you I find the blog is good to way to keep the momentum going. There are days or weeks when I think I will never come up with anything new that is when I just edit or blog or browse the internet for opportunities and words of wisdom from other writers. I am always amazed by the generosity of other writers and I think the community is what keeps me wanting to show up. Good luck. Its just a glitch we'll get over the hump I'm sure and hopefully one day we'll both be writing a blog post about how persistence paid off.
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Megan Higginson
10/7/2016 07:29:28 am
Thanks for visiting my blog, Leigh. I have been amazed at the number of authors that have expressed how they have felt similarly to me. We just have keep honing our craft, and keep on writing and getting it out there. I have made a point to practice my writing nearly everyday. And I read a lot. Stephen King said in his book, On Writing, 'Read a lot. Write a lot.' And I agree. One day, there will be a very happy post that we have a book coming out, and that persistence really does pay off. Good luck with your writing adventures. ?
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Duncan Richardson
24/7/2016 05:11:21 pm
Hi Megan
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Megan Higginson
24/7/2016 06:52:56 pm
Thanks for visiting my blog, Duncan. You are so correct in saying many writers identify with this impulse to give up. Since I wrote this blog, I have heard from so many writers feeling the same way. I'm so glad that you did not give up. The world needs your unique voice. Happy writing. ?
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