We have all read them. You know what I’m talking about. Those books with passages and passages of description of what can be seen, heard, felt etc. You either skip over these until you get to the story, or you persevere, trying to find why on earth did the author feel it necessary to write it the way they did? And why so much detail? We are encouraged to 'show don't tell.' But some authors seem to go overboard. There is one series of books I really like… except for the author's scene descriptions. (Please note that it is not a recent series). I would skip pages and pages of description of the land that the people were traversing, until I got to the story. I mean, I really don’t care how many types of grass there were, the mating habits of all the local creatures, or how many… well you get my point. Or it may have been the way the author describes a character. They do it in such detail that nothing is left to your imagination, and as an inventory list. It makes you want to shut the book and walk away. The cliché: He was six foot tall and had big muscles. He had long blond hair, square chin, and blue eyes. He wore a long dark green trench coat, black pants and thick boots. A fob watch hung out of his pocket. Another: He was a tiny boy. He was thin with thick dark hair and thick glasses. He wore blue jeans and t-shirts most days. He wore shoes that had holes in them. I don’t know about you, but I was bored writing that. My Writer’s Group Challenge: People watch through the month. Write down dialogue, setting and descriptions of people. Oh how boring were some of my descriptions. Here are just a few examples. Old guy – tall, slender, mirror sunnies on his forehead, black t-shirt, blue jeans, grey hair cut short except for a pink Mohawk. Young woman – Medium height, multi-coloured hair that looks professionally done. Short skirt, boots, tattoo on thigh and one on her calf. She drew looks as she passed by. Old man I met on a park bench outside a bank. It was a warm sunny day. His work clothes that were badly stained, stained work jumper and I think his shirt was white at one stage. Now it looks shades of brown and grey. Oh my! What a yawn fest. If I were to use these in a story, I would have no readers. They would be the ones shutting the book and walking away. I don't want that. Do you? Stephen King, in his memoir, On Writing, states on page 201: “Description is what makes a reader a sensory participant in the story… Description begins with visualization of what it is that you want the reader to experience. It ends with you translating what you see in your mind into words on the page.” Let’s have another look at the previous examples, and see how I have changed them to make them more interesting. You get leftover hippies, well this guy looks like he just time travelled from the eighties punk rocker movement, with his mirror sunnies and bright pink Mohawk. I had to double check. Yep! He had shaven grey hair around the sides and his face was brown and wrinkled like a prune. He must have been sixty at least. The young woman looked like she had stepped out of an art fashion magazine; with her model looks, Van Gogh hair, and wearing a short skirt that showed off log slender legs and the dragon tattoo on her thigh. All eyes in the crowded food court were riveted on her, but she either did not notice, or did not care to acknowledge that she shared the same existence as the rest of us mortals. The old man sat on the sun warmed park bench outside the bank. He looked and smelt like he had walked out of work twenty years ago and had never bothered to change or wash his clothes since. I think his shirt was white at one stage. Now it looks many shades of brown and grey. “You out shopping today,” he asked. “No. Just doing a couple of things and then heading home. I’m putting off shopping as long as I can this week. I just don’t feel like doing it.” “I eat out. The café down the road has good food. I eat breakfast there every day. I had a really nice egg and bacon sandwich with a nice cup of coffee this morning. I don’t shop.” With that he lit up a cigarette which effectively stopped all conversation. “Say what you see, and then get on with your story.” Stephen King How did the rest of my writer's group go with my People Watching Challenge and re-write of descriptions? The following are their re-writes. Enjoy. Nana Bread by Jacqui Johnson "Bouncing up and down on his chair as though he were reacting to short burst of electric surges, the toddler spoke as if to himself, as he announced to the café, "I'm having a nana bread!" Surprisingly awkward! By Verity Guiton I sat down at the table; enough space for one. I was illuminated under the sky light, feeling as if I was randomly selected in the audience by a game show host. This didn't bode well for me. I was going to be a chameleon and shift through the shadows. Sampling conversations was an art. They would be stored away and carefully selected down the track for no other purpose but to inspire. But could I do it? Not like this. I was on stage and everybody knew. A lady who looked like the poster girl for "People of Wallmart" peered over and grimaced. What if she saw? I'd receive a smack in the mouth. That's not how I wanted to go; being dragged around by my hair, as people bustling around the food court hesitated to look. Uh-oh...silence at the next table. I just recorded what they had for lunch. Are they looking over? I've got to get out of here! Various Descriptions by Ester de Boer She moved heavily from chair to chair like a fat, swollen blowfly depositing its eggs. Teenage boy mouthing his empty Coke bottle like a sucking infant, forgetful of his surroundings. An elderly man carries cups of tea unsteadily through the gauntlet of tables, kids, chairs pulled across paths- concentrating on each careful, bowlegged step. Another adolescent boy, in chequered shirt and dirty work cap, stands vigil at the counter for an opportunity to be served. His expression is pop-eyed, hyper-vigilant and aggressive. Strangely, in the erectness of his stance is the ramrod elegance of a ballet dancer. I want Nana Bread by Jacqui Johnson "Bouncing up and down on his chair as though he were reacting to short burst of electric surges, the toddler spoke as if to himself, as he announced to the café, "I'm having a nana bread!" Just enough description to peak your interest, set the scene and visualise the person. But not so much as to bog you down and you get bored. Let's sum it all up.
And in the words of Stephen King. “Say what you see, and then get on with your story.” I'm still learning and making mistakes. However, myself, along with my writer's group, are improving all the time as we learn and practice. Feel free to share your thoughts and any descriptions that you have written. Happy writing and thanks for stopping by.
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Recently I have had the privilege of interviewing Karen Tyrell. So Karen, tell me a bit about the development of your latest book, Jo-Kin Battles the It. Goof ball Josh Atkins aka Jo-Kin wins the Super Space Kid contest alongside nerdy Sam Jones aka Sam-Wich. Their first Super Space Kid mission is to save the galaxy from deadly alien called the It. When the It kidnaps Captain Astra, it’s a race against time. Can Josh save Astra, the galaxy and us all … before it’s too late? “Brilliant, Action-packed, Humorous, Creative.” - Buzz Words Themes: STEM science & astronomy, brain power, humour, perseverance, teamwork, self-esteem, family, friendship. What made you decide on the sci-fi genre for this novel? Since I was a child, I loved sci-fi. First, I was enthralled by TV series Lost in Space, Superman, Jetsons, Thunder Birds and Get Smart. Later, I read Jules Verne and Emily Rhoda and am avid movie fan of Star Wars and Star Trek. My favourite school magazine story in Grade 6 was about the IT, a mysterious fantasy creature, whom children discovered living in their backyard sandpit. What is the underlying message of Jo-Kin Battles the It.? It’s all about perseverance, working as a team, and never giving up. Use your brain to solve problems. Keep on trying no matter what: until you succeed. How does this book fit in with the other books that you have written? All my books have positive resilience messages of perseverance and hope from my viewpoint as a teacher. I wrote two empowering memoirs on my recovery from parent-teacher bullying and mental illness, ME & HER: A Memoir of Madness and Me & HIM: A Guide to Recovery. Books to empower kids to live strong: STOP the Bully, (bully prevention) and Bailey Beats the Blah, (coping skills for anxiety). Harry Helps Grandpa Remember (memory skills) is an endearing story about Harry who never gave up on helping his grandpa remember. What makes Jo-Kin different from other books sitting next to it on the bookshelf? Jo-Kin is bursting with wacky humour, incredible gadgets and robots, gruesome monsters and funky food. Parents often discover their kids, reading Jo-Kin in their rooms, cackling. Jo-Kin delivers positive messages that science is FUN, as well as themes of hope, perseverance and team building as mentioned before. I know you do a lot of author visits in schools. I will be doing some writing workshops later this year. How do you make your visit memorable? For an author visit: I dress up in character including costumes and wigs, acting out a thrilling or a humorous part of the story. I invite children to respond to a creative challenge, giving out bookmarks and postcards. You have self-published your books. What is some advice that you would give an author considering self-publishing? Make sure your books are the highest standards possible, that they are actually BETTER than a traditionally published book. This guarantees your books will be bought by schools, bookshops and libraries http://www.karentyrrell.com Ok. A fun question. What are three fun facts about you?
1. I love hiking at 5.30 am in the morning, listening to the kookaburras. 2. I own eight brightly coloured wigs I wear at school and library talks. 3. I eat Tim Tams by nibbling round the edges, round and round until the whole thing is gobbled up. So there you have it. Absolutely fabulous advice from Karen. I have read her children's books and they are chocked full with memorable characters and great story lines. If you or someone you know is going through a tough time and need to talk, please ring or connect with someone as soon as possible. Kids helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ or phone 1800 55 1800 Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ or phone 1300 22 4636 Thanks for stopping by my blog. It looked like a simple little door that someone had made out of bark. You could hardly detect the door, hidden as it was underneath the autumn leaves clutching at the base of the tree. The only thing that stood out was the strange silver emblem on top of the door. Melody's eyes were drawn to the emblem as the moonbeams of the nearly full moon made the silver emblem glow and shimmer. It was that reflection that drew her to the door. In an instant, the shimmer faded. Clearing away the dead leaves that had gathered around the base of the tree, she uncovered a little pebble path and a tiny dilapidated bridge; its’ supports fallen in and broken. It looked as if someone had made it for a special birthday party. Melody had other ideas of its origin. There was electricity in the air. Was it magic? Whatever it was, it was faint; barely a whisper. But she could feel it. Her eyes were drawn to a small blue dragon nestled in the roots of the old tree, just off to the side of the door. He stood proud with a determined glint in his eye. 'Like he's the guardian of the place,' Melody thought to herself. A black bird landed on the fence nearby and sang a beautiful melody. 'That's strange. A blackbird out at night.' As the blackbird sang, the song pulled at her heart as it spoke of things that she did not know, but deep down had sought all her life. The blackbird then seemed to speak to her. Her ears strained as understanding danced just out of reach. Something caught her eye on the ground in front of the door near the dragon. A slip of paper shimmered in the pale light. The paper crackled as she opened it up. Black spidery writing greeted her. To whoever finds this letter, I am going to try to be as succinct as possible. I don’t have much time. Oh that night, the night I wish I could go back and change, but at the same time would not want too. I had come outside to escape the noisy Christmas celebrations going on inside. I felt like The Grinch. My heart had been soured by Christmas. It was so commercial. What did it all mean anyway? I just wanted to get away for a bit and just breathe the night. I reached the tree just as the full moon reached down with its silvery fingers and brushed the surface of the door. Silver motes of light danced around the door and, unexpectedly, I was caught up in a rush of shimmery, swirling wind that seemed to run through my body. I shrunk down and was drawn through the fairy door. I have been trapped for fourteen years in a strange land, with strange people and customs with no way of getting home. If you have found this letter, believe it to be true. Entrance is only gained when there is a full moon on December 25th. It is only then, will the door reveal its secrets. It is only then, can I come home. Please believe it. Help me! I can give you clues for you to free me. The answers are not here in this world, but in yours. Find the light Seek the Truth The Door will open Free the Captive It was signed simply, ‘C.’ I hope that enjoyed this short story. Feel free to leave a comment or share. |
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